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Why,
    why does this day,
    that marks my introduction to this world
    elevate itself above all others?
I do wish,
    I wish this was reality –
    that when the clock strikes midnight
    on this day, life suddenly magical.
It’s as if,
    as if, suddenly, I am happy –
    as if, suddenly, I am glad to be alive –
    as if, suddenly, I don’t resent this day.
Why is today happy?
Why is today good?
Why must I celebrate the day I abhor?
If a birthday was going to help my mental illness – I would have been cured before it even started.

A Psalm: for Depression

Mighty God, Powerful Saviour;

My heart is breaking at its very core.
    When I look at the sinfulness and brokenness of this world,
    the injustice and hypocrisy –

    I just want to leave it all behind, forever.

My body is so tired and weary –
    every movement aches
    every motion is laborsome.
A knot sits in the pit of my stomach –
    I’m nauseous.
    I’ve stopped eating.
I wake during the night –

    my sleep is restless, fragmented.

My brain has turned against me –
    it has become my enemy.
    It has betrayed me,
    it is trying to kill me,
    it wants me to die –

I have no greater enemy than myself.

I am lost,
I am torn,
I am broken,
I am hurting, and

I feel stuck in the depths of this pit of despair.

But you, Lord, you hear my cry,
    you read my thoughts,
    you feel my pain, my anguish –
and you never abandon me,

    you never leave me alone in the mess.

Lord, please deliver me –
    rescue me from myself

    and the web of lies my brain has caught me in.

Lord, lift my soul from this darkness

    and bring me into your glorious light.

Lord, show me your loving kindness –
    your mercy and compassion.

Don’t leave me alone and abandoned in this lifeless pit.

Lord, please remind me
    of your glorious deeds
    and perfect promises

as you fulfil them every day.

I know the day of the Your return is near!
    But please protect and preserve me
    during these dark hours of the night,
that I may not be destroyed in my despair.

 

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Watercolour cloud painted by Alexandra Ellen on 29.1.18

A Must Watch Video on Disability and Employment

The QLD Government released a video yesterday called ‘The No Pile‘ and you need to watch it! The video, co-created and performed by IndelabilityArts, an inclusive theatre company that I’m a member of, uses music and humour to address the issues people with disabilities often have when trying to gain employment, despite being more than capable of doing the job.

The video is part of the “All Abilities Queensland: opportunities for all” campaign launched by the Queensland Government this week and it looks amazing. I was so encouraged to hear that the development process of this plan included consultation with the people whom it would affect the most -people with disabilities. The state disability plan which will be rolled out over the next few years focuses on 5 area’s to make QLD a more inclusive state. These are creating inclusive communities for all people, encouraging lifelong learning, accessibility to everyday services, participation and leadership and improving employment opportunities.

People with disabilities can be completely capable of maintaining employment and excelling at itHiring someone with a disability may mean time flexibility for appointments or creating an accessible workspace. Unfortunately, this means employers usually exclude people with disabilities from employment at their organisation and the rejection excuses people have heard are ridiculous. ‘No Pile’ presents this sad reality in a humorous light because everybody has a role to play.

Watch the video, enjoy and share!!

Painting as I enter 2017

My prayer for 2017 is Jeremiah 17:7-8; that each day I will place my trust and confidence in the creator, like a tree planted by a stream. May I continue to grow and bear fruit, even in the metaphorical heat! Praise the Lord for 2016; a year of mercy, grace, blessings, mourning, sorrow, growth and transformation.

#2017 #2016 #newyear #art #arttherapy #jeremiah1778 #faith #personalgrowth #spirituality