A Psalm: for Depression

Mighty God, Powerful Saviour;

My heart is breaking at its very core.

    When I look at the sinfulness and brokenness of this world,

    the injustice and hypocrisy –

    I just want to leave it all behind, forever.

My body is so tired and weary –

    every movement aches

    every motion is laborsome.

A knot sits in the pit of my stomach –

    I’m nauseous.

    I’ve stopped eating.

I wake during the night –

    my sleep is restless, fragmented.

My brain has turned against me –

    it has become my enemy.

    It has betrayed me,

    it is trying to kill me,

    it wants me to die –

I have no greater enemy than myself.

I am lost,

I am torn,

I am broken,

I am hurting, and

I feel stuck in the depths of this pit of despair.

But you, Lord, you hear my cry,

    you read my thoughts,

    you feel my pain, my anguish –

and you never abandon me,

    you never leave me alone in the mess.

Lord, please deliver me –

    rescue me from myself

    and the web of lies my brain has caught me in.

Lord, lift my soul from this darkness

    and bring me into your glorious light.

Lord, show me your loving kindness –

    your mercy and compassion.

Don’t leave me alone and abandoned in this lifeless pit.

Lord, please remind me

    of your glorious deeds

    and perfect promises

as you fulfil them every day.

I know the day of the Your return is near!

    But please protect and preserve me

    during these dark hours of the night,

that I may not be destroyed in my despair.

 

Watercolour cloud painted by Alexandra Ellen on 29.1.18